Whole Again: Healing Your Heart and Rediscovering Your True Self After Toxic Relationships and Emotional Abuse

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Thendral Veesi Vara Vendum is a short story by Ramanichandran. The protagonist, Venugopala Menon tries to live his life as an ordinary person but it doesn’t work out for him. He gets caught up in the world of crime and violence because he was not able to find another way to live.” Don’t focus on their hurtful behavior, but instead the feelings it brought out in you. You cannot release resentment with your mind. You cannot think your way out of this problem. Instead, you need to gain the tool you don’t have: Soothing. Love.” As we learn that we’re responsible for our own emotions, we become more comfortable with the idea that others are responsible for their own emotions too. With this mind-set, we can finally relax—and begin to heal.”

Whole Again by Jackson MacKenzie, Shannon Thomas - Waterstones Whole Again by Jackson MacKenzie, Shannon Thomas - Waterstones

If you read this and are still in relationship with a toxic person or persons please run like hell. Please know they won’t change with your love and patience. Your begging and hoping is wasting your life and taking so much away from you. Don’t run, in fact sprint. As far away as you can get.Connections like these help you remember what you read by “hooking” new information onto concepts and ideas you already understand. As Charlie Munger says, “If you get into the mental habit of relating what you’re reading to the basic structure of the underlying ideas being demonstrated, you gradually accumulate some wisdom.” Reading a book takes effort, but too often, people use one book or one article as the basis for an entire belief system. This is even more true (and more difficult to overcome) when it comes to using our one, individual experience as the basis for our beliefs. As Morgan Housel noted, “Your personal experiences make up maybe 0.00000001% of what’s happened in the world but maybe 80% of how you think the world works. We’re all biased to our own personal history.” 5 In Chapter 1 of Atomic Habits, I wrote: “Learning one new idea won’t make you a genius, but a commitment to lifelong learning can be transformative.” If you feel like you can’t squeeze the whole book into three sentences, consider using the Feynman Technique. codependents stay in toxic relationships for far longer than any other person would. Your intuition is actually really good—the problem is, you doubt it. You’re so preoccupied with trying to make sure you’re reasonable and seeing all perspectives that you fail to throw in the towel when people are blatantly mistreating you. Oftentimes you notice something seems “off” for the longest time, but you feel guilty and dismiss it because the person is nice to you, or because they aren’t rejecting you.”

Whole Again: Healing Your Heart and Rediscovering Your

Additionally, revisiting great books is helpful because the problems you deal with change over time. Sure, when you read a book twice maybe you’ll catch some stuff you missed the first time around, but it’s more likely that new passages and ideas will be relevant to you. It’s only natural for different sentences to leap out at you depending on the point you are at in life. Kerry’s previous publications have detailed her cocaine abuse, how she blew millions on a drug and drink-fuelled lifestyle, her difficult childhood in foster care and her turbulent love-life. I am noticing my protective self now. It takes me a bit to realize why I am acting how I am, but at least I am in the stage of realization now. In many cases, I find that I can usually get just as much useful information from reading my one-paragraph summary and reviewing my notes as I would if I read the entire book again. 3

Step 5: A protective self takes over to disprove and distract from the pain. Its primary purpose is control and avoidance: to keep you numb and prevent the same pain from occurring again. Unable to generate joy from the true self, the protective self relies heavily upon external measures of worth to keep itself alive. It is “who you are”—how you view the world, even the lens through which you approach healing. (This is also called the False Self or the Ego.) Start more books. Quit most of them. Read the great ones twice. 2. Choose Books You Can Use Instantly Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq., author of 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life: Identifying and Dealing with Narcissists, Sociopaths and Other High-Conflict Personalities As you develop the unconditional love, what you’re essentially looking for is where your body or mind resists this love. One of the most persistent and difficult “resisters” is toxic shame. We finally stop running.” You practically need resentment for survival. But when you truly love and care for yourself, you do not need resentment to leave a toxic situation. Self-love is a far greater (and more pleasant) motivator.”